A school shooter is a loner- but there are a lot of loners in the world who wouldn't hurt a fly. Research shows us that whether or not someone resorts to deviant behaviors such as addictions, mental illness, and crime can be predicted by combinations of risk and resiliency factors. Getting rid of the risk factors is very hard- we don't have simple ways of ending poverty or preventing interpersonal violence or addictive behavior. Resiliency is easy. It is about building community, organizing activities for kids, planting gardens, playing sports for fun, teaching children and convincing ourselves to strive to be our personal best.
A school shooter is a suicide. Preventing all of the horrible things in the mind and heart of a suicide is hard- but a lot of the suicide prevention stuff is easy- a simple thing like smiling at a stranger, or telling young people that even though they may some day feel that the world will be too much, it always gets better. I remember a night about 35 years ago when I was in so much pain, I didn't know how I could make it through the night. A little voice in my head told me to go to this poetry reading (which was terrible by the way- a lot of depressed women talking about the futility of existence)- but there I met a friend, Jeff Flatt, and we ended up talking for hours until I was too tired to feel any pain- and that night showed me that no matter how bad things got- it always gets better. So the it gets better campaign is primary prevention. So is the random acts of kindness campaign.
A school shooter is a mass murderer. I once noted that I had a lot of the same trauma history as a serial killer. I even retreated into a fantasy reality like they did. But the big difference between us was the content of that fantasy. While they obsessively read about violence, I read the Bobbsey Twins and Cherry Ames. In my fantasy world, I lived in a perfect world of people helping other people- the first Mary Rose's Garden! In reality, although I didn't notice it then, I lived in a community where people stressed the value of mutual interdependence. I lived in a town where the librarian engaged children who came to visit and pointed them in good directions. Mine pointed me to a series of biographies about famous people. We cannot underestimate the value of such little things- Girl Scouts,crafts in the park, swimming lessons, a pool with life guards. Everything we do that connects us helps- and everything we do that disconnects us may deepen someone's wounds. It's not something for politicians- it's something for each of us.
So that is my answer to preventing school shootings- start with every kid and do what you can to help them build positive experiences, end with smiling at strangers and random acts of kindness. You never know where it will lead or what horror you may prevent. Simple but essential things. It all starts with a smile.
