The Beginnings of the Garden

When I was 16, I had an English teacher who gave me an F on a major project.  She asked me to write about a story set in the time of the Idylls of the King- with all the myth and pageantry.  I took a different take on the story and put that era into a Star Trek adventure where the locals were misinterpreting technology and aliens beings for magic and fairy creatures.  It was a good story and I worked hard on it and the grade hurt.  I came home and wrote this poem:

Why Mr. World, do you close your gates,
Shut your gates smack in my face!
I now long to be back at home to be,
At home in my Garden of Roses.

The Roses have thorns, but then life does too,
And Roses hurt only my fingers,
The thorn of life drives through my heart,
But not in my Garden of Roses.

It was a dramatic poem but then, I'm a dramatic person.  In those days, my garden was a world of escape and it was a world that kept me whole.  I don't know how my brothers and sisters stayed sane growing up in our home, because I had a little something none of the others had.  I grew up in the world of the Bobbsey Twins, Cherry Ames, Nancy Drew, the Little House on the Prairie and the entire contents of the juvenile library in West Medway, Massachusetts.  Around the time that I wrote this poem, someone remarked that I looked like I grew up in a garden and I think that I did.  The world in those books was a world of great mystery- but also a world where all the parents were loving and caring- and all the kids were kind and good natured.  It was a good place to grow up for someone who had to face the reality that I had to face.

The problem is that the same mechanisms that are needed to help you grow up in childhood where there is no escape, become the same things that keep you from living your dreams once you are grown.  The thing is that once you are grown, you are not trapped- you are free to form your own world.  I still dream about living in my garden- the trick is to make that garden your reality rather than your dream.  Today I spent the whole day with Dr. Who- which is a very fun reality to be in- but not a very productive one.

When I wrote my blog this morning, I felt so liberated- I had the energy to do anything- take on anything in the world- but once I sat down and went over to Amazon, the escape thing took over.  Guess the only thing to do is to write this down and start over tomorrow.  Until then- live your dreams instead of dreaming them and I'll try to do the same.