Effects of Trauma

Today's readings
Today's reflection

In today's readings and reflections, I see an encouragement to reach out to those who are hurting and give them words that will help them out of the darkness and into the light.

Here is a really good article about the effects of trauma by Lynn Margolies, who is a noted researcher in the field. At the end of the year I described yesterday, almost everyone in my family was suffering from the effects of trauma.  While the photos below of my Mom were taken 18 years apart, she looked a lot like the first picture at the beginning of that year, and a lot worse than the second picture at the end of that year.




When my Mom was a young woman, she lived a life where she had been a championship swimmer, diver, and skater. She was an accomplished pianist and had taken classes at the Yale School of Music. She was a great writer and was told by her college professor that she needed to write professionally. And when she walked down the street, men whistled. I'd love to say that she was a great Mom during that time, but she was really full of herself, and most of the nurturing memories that I have that young were of my Dad.

This is a story that my Mom told me about the time she nearly died. She saw the light- she wanted to be in the light- God told her that if she wanted to die she could come now- but before she did- he wanted to show her what would happen to me. He showed her a version of myself that horrified her and said that if she was gone, then I'd always be the person that she saw, so she came back. The doctors had already decided that she was gone and were wheeling her away. The neighbor that came with her said, "She can't die- she has 5 children under the age of 7!". So the doctor made one last check, he held a mirror up to my Mom's nose and she used every last ounce of strength in her body to give one breath- and then they brought her back. 

For all of us who lived through that year together, we felt the loss of innocence. My Mom and I lost a lot of the memory of what had happened on that day. My father couldn't really live with himself- I think that he saw himself as a monster- and the longer he lived with that image of himself- without being able to forgive himself or to be forgiven, the more he descended into alcohol and the more he became the man that he believed himself to be. It was if my father had died on that day and the man that was left just wasn't my father. Even writing this, I mourn the passing of my father in 1959- even though his physical body died in 1994. But in losing my loving, nurturing father, I gained a loving, nurturing Mom.

 For me, because of the death threats, the world was no longer safe, sane, and secure. Every time during that year and even for years afterwards, every time I had my fingers on a little bit of safety or sanity, it evaporated. I was very much like the person in today's reading why God had done this to me- not realizing that God was always there, helping me survive the struggle.

My Mom gained most her her weight in that year.  At the end of that year, she lost all of her teeth.  She was 28 and thought that her life was over.   I have no pictures of her during most of the darkest times of her life.  The picture below is after she lost a lot of her weight and had done a lot to come out of her personal trauma world.

Donald Trump posted a comment to the general public that I think that a lot of people might think was a pretty good response to yesterday's post.

Take responsibility for yourself--it's a very empowering attitude.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 14, 2013

But there is another truth:
"We live in a world full of animals"

No one is responsible for the bad things that happen to them.  Our bodies respond in very natural ways to trauma- all animals do.  Look at a photo of an abused cat or dog- they are physically depressed, neglect themselves, and may even inflict self-injurious behavior on themselves.  Elephants that are abused can go into incredibly destructive rages.  Elephants that are stressed due to loss of habitat have been seen abusing other large animals in the wild. This is not their underlying nature, this is how they react to unbearable stress.

While we are under the effects of trauma, it is hard to take responsibility for ourselves.  But my Mom had a saying that she pounded into my head as she watched me descend deeper and deeper into a world of my own- "Some day, you are going to wake up and find out there is a world going on around you" (which is very true) but she continued, "that you won't be able to join" which was not true.  The way to re-join the world is through recovery. 

Here is today's kernel: We can't take responsibility for the bad things that happen to us- but we can take responsibility for our recovery.