Living and Dying

The other day, I replied to one of Donald Trump's tweets- just like I do just about every day. But unlike every other day, this day he answered me back!

@maryrosesgardenMary--Great!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 5, 2013

Another thing that I should do every day is to start out the day with a message from God.  To me, God talks to me through the daily Mass readings.  Here is a link to today's:
Readings for February 14, 2013

and Reflection on the Readings

The message is clear: Live or Die.  Trust in the Lord and do whatever you need to be the person that he created you to be this day or die.  There is more than one way to die. The first photo here is me as a Wonder Child.

The Discipline of Self-Esteem is the story of how I went from the middle photo to the last photo. But to tell a story like this one, you need to 'qualify'- that is you need to let the world know that what you sharethis  is worth reading. I need to tell you how I went from the smiling baby in the first photo to the girl in the middle. This is my sixth grade self.  This is a girl who had forgotten how to laugh- who didn't even know that she could laugh- until one day her grandparents took her to the top of the Sleeping Giant outside New Haven CT- where she reveled in the beauty of God's creation and her grandmother showed her these pictures that showed that once upon a time, she smiled and laughed and was free.

This is me on my 60th birthday.  As you can see, I can laugh again. 

But first, let me tell you the story of how I went from the smiling baby to the middle child- just the highlights.  There was a day when I was barely 7 years old when my father wouldn't let me see my mother- and I knew something was wrong- so I started to go in anyway.  He picked me up and threw me 20 feet toward a 2nd story window- and I learned to swim in the air so that I landed safely against a lamp.  He was alarmed to see that I missed the window and threatened me with death if I ever told anyone.  Despite all that, I managed to get into that room when my father went downstairs to make breakfast, call for help, and then get myself off to school.  It was not a good day- and after my father threatened me if I ever told anyone ever again- I forgot all about it for 30 years.  Shortly after coming home, a neighbor scolded me for waking a baby and I was so frightened (without knowing why) that I crossed the street without looking and was hit by a car.  They tell me that I went 20 feet into the air- but all I remember is landing safely on the hill on the other side.  While I was recovering from that, my best friend in the whole world died.  What's worse was that my last public words to him were: I hope you get a cold and die- and that is just what happened.  We had made up before he passed- but the kids who were there remembered and wondered if I was a witch.  My father broke his leg and lost his job, all 5 of us children caught the chicken pox, followed by the measles, and my brother Michael nearly died of measles encephalitis.  All of that happened within one year of the event- and we moved twice.  Kids laugh at what they don't understand, so the following year- and the following three years- I became the kid who was bullied in the school.  At home, Mom and Dad were overwhelmed, so they relied on me to be strong and take care of the kids.  The kids resented me because my parents favored me and because they didn't want to be bossed by their big sister.

There were two things that got me through: books and babies- but that is another story.  For today, all I can say is that I grew up without really dealing with my trauma, and so there was more of it.  With God's help and the help of friends and coworkers, telling my story, and learning how to deal with trauma over a 20 year period, I became the person that I am today- in the last photo.  A person who even at 60, can still be a Wonder Child.  There is still a lot to overcome, but in the process, I've become wise.  Telling my story helps me to become wiser. I don't know what you've dealt with in your life but whatever it is and has been, I think that my wisdom will help in your journey.  And so we start.