Gore alert. Do not read this post if you don't want to know the details. Skip to last paragraph.
At 10 AM this morning, I'll be having oral surgery to remove a tooth that's been on it's way out for most of my life. Doctor told me the history before he looked at my mouth- decayed as a child- fillings galore- a root canal- then the fillings gave way- got a cap- maybe two until the cap had to be held in by pin put in through the root canal- finally the pin split the root and the last cap came off- now there is nothing left but to do but cut the tooth out. And I smiled and nodded because he had it about right. It could go easy and come out like it was nothing- or it might be a struggle with a scary list of complications- either way- I'm sleeping through it.
My thanks to my friend Sandra who had been putting up with my reminders, will take me there, sit through it and take me home. She is my partner in crime (Children's Faith Formation, VBS, and the Christmas pageants- so it is not really a crime at all) so I'm glad she'll be there. Also thanks and prayers for Dr. Gift who will be performing the surgery. So if you are tuning in, say a prayer today and I'll get back to you tomorrow- or maybe later today.
Love you all.
Mary Rose
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Breathing in the Garden
FLYing yesterday worked well until noon when I got stuck at the grocery store filling my prescriptions for my oral surgery tomorrow morning. Yuck! Am not looking forward to this at all. After the surgery, will have to be on antibiotics and pain killers for about a week- and then take more than four months to heal from the bone implant that they will have to do.
Note to all Mom's with kids: Get them to the dentist at an early age and get that coating that they will recommend to keep the cavities out. My parents couldn't afford dental care. By the time I was 20, I lost 4 molars, then some more to orthodontia, then some more due to not being able to afford caps when Rob was little- so now I have no teeth on the lower right bottom and after this just one in the left lower back. My dentist has a little joke- he asks how I am holding together because even though I've had no new cavities in years, we worry about what will collapse next- and what it will take to remove the damage. Nice little surprises costing thousands of dollars and loads of pain is not the legacy you want for your kids.
On the other hand, my son had a beautiful coating placed on his teeth when he was little and the only work he has needed has been to replace a little of the coating that had worn off- once. So do your best to get some kind of dental insurance for your kids, take them in every six months, and do the preventive stuff. If you can't afford braces fine- they can do it when they grow up- but get them the basics. Off the soap box.
Next week will be fun- hope to be posting here- but if the posts sound funnier than usual- that is because my brain is funnier than usual!
Working on my attitude today, so just enjoy this glorious sunrise and I'll see you tomorrow!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
FLYing Today
I have this great little wakeup routine that I wrote about over 6 years ago. It may not be a perfect routine for the rest of the world, but it is a great little routine for me. This morning, I woke up and totally goofed off for two hours feeling miserable- and then this thought popped into my head- Why Don't You Use Your Fly Routine Anymore? Why indeed? I know that it works- I know that it feels great. So I opened up the web page- read the first two paragraphs (which really helps you focus on what's important), stretched right there on the couch (which was pretty funny but effective), went out to my garden to breathe, then came back in the house looking for grain, protein and fruit. Spent too much time looking for all kinds of exotic things (have this recipe for Ezekial bread started on the stove right now- had a lot of the grains except for spelt and millet but do have wheat berries to substitute for spelt which is a primitive wheat)- and totally missed this wonderful banana bread that I made yesterday. I didn't have applesauce, so I took a can of pears in their own juice, boiled them in the juice and blended up about 2/3 of the can which made the 1/2 cup of pear sauce needed. I didn't have whole wheat flour so I used white flour instead, and I can't have banana bread without nuts, so I added 3/4 cup of whole almonds that were then mostly crushed. Just fruit, honey, flour, almonds, and leavening- what could be better? Also wanted more flavor so added some of the homemade vanilla extract from Cheyenne's. I think that Cheyenne can skip all of the vegetables and there would be tons of people who would shop there for the condiments, honey, dairy, and plants! So this is a picture of what is left of the bread...
That's as far as I've gotten today with FLYing but it's a start. See you tomorrow!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Wonder of a Rain Barrel
Right now this is just the un-sexy utility rain barrel that I got for free when I attended one of Hillsborough County Extension's Compost, Water-Wise Rainbarrel workshops. They give you a free rain barrel with one of these sexy things already attached.
You see a 55 gallon rain barrel full of water weighs over 400 pounds, so the one thing you want to do is make sure that it is stable and can't be knocked over. I keep mine in my storage closet which very conveniently is 6 inches off the ground level of my porch (because it floods which is another way to get water to the plants on the ground!). You will notice that not much rain is going to fall into the rain barrel in the storage shed but collection is not my problem.
But with this handy, dandy accessory, I now have almost too much water for my garden and instead of having to water once a day, I now only have to water once or twice a week. It took about a week ot two of filling three 5 gallon pots along with a tropical storm stalled over Florida to fill my barrel. From that point, I just left one out there and that pretty much keeps the barrel full from there. That is in the height of the tropical weather season- we'll see where we go from there...
And that is my wonder report for today!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Seventeen Years
One of the things that I love about the process of writing, is the things that can be discovered no other way. The Wonder Child poem was born out that kind of questioning frustration that I talked about in this post- that kind of questioning that often leads to a thought popping into your head that gives you a lot of insight into the answer- an answer that seems to come from God. The last two lines of The Wonder Child
"We must learn the discipline of self-esteem
To release the power of God upon the Earth"
was exactly that kind of experience. All of the words poured out of me onto the paper, I asked the question:
How do we chain the animal and not the soul?
How do we allow the wonder to be released and not the anger?
and had no answer, so I was quiet and waited for the answer- then the last two lines came to me.
That was in 1995- seventeen years ago. I asked the question: What is the Discipline of Self-Esteem? How do I discover it? How do I nurture it? I knew that self-esteem was a serious problem for me- it is for almost every person who has survived family violence. I knew that it was important. I knew that self-esteem was not about just feeling self-important, it was about knowing who you are in relation to God and loving yourself in the same way that God loves you- seeing yourself the way God sees you. Almost immediately, I began teaching Children's Church at the start of Lent Cycle A. The format was simple: Read the readings in a form that children can understand, find a story book the exemplified the readings, and get a coloring picture to back it up. I found the coloring pictures on a website offering free art work that was only around for about as long as I did the Children's Church- and Children's Church didn't last much past Lent of that year. But the lessons in those few weeks became the meaning of the Discipline of Self-Esteem for me. I've been meaning to write a book about it ever since that discovery.
On the other hand, in all of this time, it never occurred to me that the Discipline of Self-Esteem had anything to do with nurturing The Wonder Child. I think that is just amazing. Here I am asking God how to balance the needs of the Wonder Child- to allow a person to be themselves without being a monster- to keep that part of the soul alive and free- without realizing what I wrote yesterday- the lesson that I learned from Dr. Who- that the Discipline of Self-Esteem is not just about self-esteem but it is about keeping the Wonder Child alive and free. And that keeping the Wonder Child alive is about maintaining that connection to God and others.
My son often complains that I am 4 years old. I haven't felt four years old in a while. My wonder child has not been free for a long time- the closest thing that I get to it is when I discover the things that I write about in this blog- when I discover something new- when I have a new toy. But I haven't worked as much on maintaining that connection- and if we don't, then the Wonder Child cannot live. I also think that my Sunday School lessons are important parts of the process and I will talk about them and flesh them out some more in coming posts- as well as tell you more about the things that I discover that fill me with wonder as in the Daily DOSE (discipline of self-esteem) posts I did a few years back.
If I look at the blogs that I love- I discover that most of them are founded by people who express their Wonder Child through them:
The Pioneer Woman
Thy Hand Hath Provided
The Cottage in the Oaks
The Field Lab and
Tracy Porters's Pinterest Poetic Wanderlust Boards.
For the record, I would have included Brendan Loy's Living Room Times and my niece Opal's Blog in this list but it looks like they are not really blogging any more.
And when I look at what I do to escape (other than playing Solitaire)- all the TV shows that I am addicted to have a wonder child in them. So nurture your wonder child and see what happens- to yourself- and your world!
"We must learn the discipline of self-esteem
To release the power of God upon the Earth"
was exactly that kind of experience. All of the words poured out of me onto the paper, I asked the question:
How do we chain the animal and not the soul?
How do we allow the wonder to be released and not the anger?
and had no answer, so I was quiet and waited for the answer- then the last two lines came to me.
That was in 1995- seventeen years ago. I asked the question: What is the Discipline of Self-Esteem? How do I discover it? How do I nurture it? I knew that self-esteem was a serious problem for me- it is for almost every person who has survived family violence. I knew that it was important. I knew that self-esteem was not about just feeling self-important, it was about knowing who you are in relation to God and loving yourself in the same way that God loves you- seeing yourself the way God sees you. Almost immediately, I began teaching Children's Church at the start of Lent Cycle A. The format was simple: Read the readings in a form that children can understand, find a story book the exemplified the readings, and get a coloring picture to back it up. I found the coloring pictures on a website offering free art work that was only around for about as long as I did the Children's Church- and Children's Church didn't last much past Lent of that year. But the lessons in those few weeks became the meaning of the Discipline of Self-Esteem for me. I've been meaning to write a book about it ever since that discovery.
On the other hand, in all of this time, it never occurred to me that the Discipline of Self-Esteem had anything to do with nurturing The Wonder Child. I think that is just amazing. Here I am asking God how to balance the needs of the Wonder Child- to allow a person to be themselves without being a monster- to keep that part of the soul alive and free- without realizing what I wrote yesterday- the lesson that I learned from Dr. Who- that the Discipline of Self-Esteem is not just about self-esteem but it is about keeping the Wonder Child alive and free. And that keeping the Wonder Child alive is about maintaining that connection to God and others.
My son often complains that I am 4 years old. I haven't felt four years old in a while. My wonder child has not been free for a long time- the closest thing that I get to it is when I discover the things that I write about in this blog- when I discover something new- when I have a new toy. But I haven't worked as much on maintaining that connection- and if we don't, then the Wonder Child cannot live. I also think that my Sunday School lessons are important parts of the process and I will talk about them and flesh them out some more in coming posts- as well as tell you more about the things that I discover that fill me with wonder as in the Daily DOSE (discipline of self-esteem) posts I did a few years back.
If I look at the blogs that I love- I discover that most of them are founded by people who express their Wonder Child through them:
The Pioneer Woman
Thy Hand Hath Provided
The Cottage in the Oaks
The Field Lab and
Tracy Porters's Pinterest Poetic Wanderlust Boards.
For the record, I would have included Brendan Loy's Living Room Times and my niece Opal's Blog in this list but it looks like they are not really blogging any more.
And when I look at what I do to escape (other than playing Solitaire)- all the TV shows that I am addicted to have a wonder child in them. So nurture your wonder child and see what happens- to yourself- and your world!
Monday, August 6, 2012
The Wonder Child and Dr. Who
Sunday, I spent the day with Dr. Who instead of cleaning the place up and was disappointed because I wanted to see the effects of the Discipline of Self-Esteem in my life. But today as I was going over my past writings, I realized that Dr. Who and especially the things that made me want to live in Dr. Who's universe had a lot to do with the topic.
When Rob was little, a priest at St. Mary's told me that the most wonderful thing about being a little child was that the world was so new and everything was so wonderful to their eyes. Looking at Rob, I could see the wonder in his eyes and I wanted that wonder to stay there forever. As he grew older, many people became very angry with me because they felt that I was not punishing him enough. They felt that the only way to keep kids in line was to punish them until they behaved- and if a child did not behave then you needed to punish them until they did. In my own healing and recovery from the effects of abuse, I came to find the wonder in life myself and was very protective of preserving the wonder for both of us- and there were so many people who saw that wonder in me and felt that was because I was not being a grown-up. One day I was so angry that I wrote another poem which I called - The Wonder Child. Here it is:
The Wonder Child
The soul is a wonder child.
It needs to be able to carry prayers to and from God.
It needs to be able to sense and feel and wonder and discover,
To release the wonder of it's potential on Earth.
We live in a world full of animals.
Full of greed and lust and self-satisfaction.
Full of taking and leaving and disappointing.
Devoid of responsibilities on Earth.
Society is a great policeman.
Full of laws, and rules, and internal regulations.
Full of put downs, push downs, and pull downs.
Devoid of the wonder of the Earth.
How do we chain the animal and not the soul?
How do we allow the wonder to be released without the anger?
We must learn the discipline of Self-Esteem.
Releasing the Power of God on the Earth.
The first verse is a powerful truth that I can feel even as I write this. Jesus said that to get to heaven, you had to come like a little child- and I believe that what he meant was that you need to keep the wonder in your life- that when you are open to God, you see the wonder, your soul is free, and it flies to and from heaven back and forth freely- carrying joy and prayers to God and bringing back grace and courage. The thing that I love most about Doctor Who is that here is a creature who is almost 1000 years old who still has his wonder- who can still see the wonder in the world and the amazing potential of his human companions. Dr. Who is still a wonder child- still in touch with all that is good- with a soul that carries his dreams to God and carries out God's dreams for the earth.
In every episode, Dr. Who faces the quandary in verse 2. He wants to live in a world of peace, love, and harmony with universal brotherhood, but there is always someone who wants to destroy the human race- sometimes for very stupid reasons. He doesn't want to kill the bad guys but constantly finds that he has no choice. I think that he needs some prayer in his life. With prayer in your life, you find the way to bring God's love to the world in spite of all the evil and all the bad guys. It doesn't really apply to a 5 year old (although we need to reference Stormageddon in Closing Time- the baby who wanted to be a dark lord until his Dad overcame the cybermen and then he was glad to be just Alfie- that underneath every evil villain is just a little child who had lost their wonder). So that is verse 2.
Verse 3 was all about the people who were ribbing me. I know that society is good and that we need to live in society but sometimes you can just feel your soul bursting with wonder and joy- and society struggling to take chains and trap it- keep it from being free and completing that circuit that makes everything work- and as your soul is struggling against the weight of those chains, you can feel the wonder dying- you can feel your soul dying again and you think that it will never live again. Both that is just not true- all that you need to do is to open yourself up to the wonder again- and there you are voila- being a conduit for all that wonder and grace again!! Hooray! That's why I love being a Mary Rose- because a Mary Rose is a flower that can always get the wonder back again- no matter how many times it is lost. Dr. Who goes through the same things- he gets lost in the chaos and suffering- but then he sees the love and courage of his companions- his faith in human nature is reborn- and he is able to save the human race again! He always ends every struggle reborn again, free- full of wonder- off to see all of time and space.
And I guess that reflection pretty much sums up the last verse. How do we resolve the conflict of not wanting the evil in verse 2 but not wanting to give in to the answers that society has arrived at in verse 3- we must learn to find that source of self-esteem in ourselves that is based on what is right and true and holy within us- that helps our soul to be free to carry prayers to and from God- that allows us to be the people that God created us to become- the conduit of His grace and His love to all the earth. Then we can all be free- even without a Tardis!
When Rob was little, a priest at St. Mary's told me that the most wonderful thing about being a little child was that the world was so new and everything was so wonderful to their eyes. Looking at Rob, I could see the wonder in his eyes and I wanted that wonder to stay there forever. As he grew older, many people became very angry with me because they felt that I was not punishing him enough. They felt that the only way to keep kids in line was to punish them until they behaved- and if a child did not behave then you needed to punish them until they did. In my own healing and recovery from the effects of abuse, I came to find the wonder in life myself and was very protective of preserving the wonder for both of us- and there were so many people who saw that wonder in me and felt that was because I was not being a grown-up. One day I was so angry that I wrote another poem which I called - The Wonder Child. Here it is:
The Wonder Child
The soul is a wonder child.
It needs to be able to carry prayers to and from God.
It needs to be able to sense and feel and wonder and discover,
To release the wonder of it's potential on Earth.
We live in a world full of animals.
Full of greed and lust and self-satisfaction.
Full of taking and leaving and disappointing.
Devoid of responsibilities on Earth.
Society is a great policeman.
Full of laws, and rules, and internal regulations.
Full of put downs, push downs, and pull downs.
Devoid of the wonder of the Earth.
How do we chain the animal and not the soul?
How do we allow the wonder to be released without the anger?
We must learn the discipline of Self-Esteem.
Releasing the Power of God on the Earth.
The first verse is a powerful truth that I can feel even as I write this. Jesus said that to get to heaven, you had to come like a little child- and I believe that what he meant was that you need to keep the wonder in your life- that when you are open to God, you see the wonder, your soul is free, and it flies to and from heaven back and forth freely- carrying joy and prayers to God and bringing back grace and courage. The thing that I love most about Doctor Who is that here is a creature who is almost 1000 years old who still has his wonder- who can still see the wonder in the world and the amazing potential of his human companions. Dr. Who is still a wonder child- still in touch with all that is good- with a soul that carries his dreams to God and carries out God's dreams for the earth.
In every episode, Dr. Who faces the quandary in verse 2. He wants to live in a world of peace, love, and harmony with universal brotherhood, but there is always someone who wants to destroy the human race- sometimes for very stupid reasons. He doesn't want to kill the bad guys but constantly finds that he has no choice. I think that he needs some prayer in his life. With prayer in your life, you find the way to bring God's love to the world in spite of all the evil and all the bad guys. It doesn't really apply to a 5 year old (although we need to reference Stormageddon in Closing Time- the baby who wanted to be a dark lord until his Dad overcame the cybermen and then he was glad to be just Alfie- that underneath every evil villain is just a little child who had lost their wonder). So that is verse 2.
Verse 3 was all about the people who were ribbing me. I know that society is good and that we need to live in society but sometimes you can just feel your soul bursting with wonder and joy- and society struggling to take chains and trap it- keep it from being free and completing that circuit that makes everything work- and as your soul is struggling against the weight of those chains, you can feel the wonder dying- you can feel your soul dying again and you think that it will never live again. Both that is just not true- all that you need to do is to open yourself up to the wonder again- and there you are voila- being a conduit for all that wonder and grace again!! Hooray! That's why I love being a Mary Rose- because a Mary Rose is a flower that can always get the wonder back again- no matter how many times it is lost. Dr. Who goes through the same things- he gets lost in the chaos and suffering- but then he sees the love and courage of his companions- his faith in human nature is reborn- and he is able to save the human race again! He always ends every struggle reborn again, free- full of wonder- off to see all of time and space.
And I guess that reflection pretty much sums up the last verse. How do we resolve the conflict of not wanting the evil in verse 2 but not wanting to give in to the answers that society has arrived at in verse 3- we must learn to find that source of self-esteem in ourselves that is based on what is right and true and holy within us- that helps our soul to be free to carry prayers to and from God- that allows us to be the people that God created us to become- the conduit of His grace and His love to all the earth. Then we can all be free- even without a Tardis!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
The Beginnings of the Garden
When I was 16, I had an English teacher who gave me an F on a major project. She asked me to write about a story set in the time of the Idylls of the King- with all the myth and pageantry. I took a different take on the story and put that era into a Star Trek adventure where the locals were misinterpreting technology and aliens beings for magic and fairy creatures. It was a good story and I worked hard on it and the grade hurt. I came home and wrote this poem:
Why Mr. World, do you close your gates,
Shut your gates smack in my face!
I now long to be back at home to be,
At home in my Garden of Roses.
The Roses have thorns, but then life does too,
And Roses hurt only my fingers,
The thorn of life drives through my heart,
But not in my Garden of Roses.
It was a dramatic poem but then, I'm a dramatic person. In those days, my garden was a world of escape and it was a world that kept me whole. I don't know how my brothers and sisters stayed sane growing up in our home, because I had a little something none of the others had. I grew up in the world of the Bobbsey Twins, Cherry Ames, Nancy Drew, the Little House on the Prairie and the entire contents of the juvenile library in West Medway, Massachusetts. Around the time that I wrote this poem, someone remarked that I looked like I grew up in a garden and I think that I did. The world in those books was a world of great mystery- but also a world where all the parents were loving and caring- and all the kids were kind and good natured. It was a good place to grow up for someone who had to face the reality that I had to face.
The problem is that the same mechanisms that are needed to help you grow up in childhood where there is no escape, become the same things that keep you from living your dreams once you are grown. The thing is that once you are grown, you are not trapped- you are free to form your own world. I still dream about living in my garden- the trick is to make that garden your reality rather than your dream. Today I spent the whole day with Dr. Who- which is a very fun reality to be in- but not a very productive one.
When I wrote my blog this morning, I felt so liberated- I had the energy to do anything- take on anything in the world- but once I sat down and went over to Amazon, the escape thing took over. Guess the only thing to do is to write this down and start over tomorrow. Until then- live your dreams instead of dreaming them and I'll try to do the same.
Why Mr. World, do you close your gates,
Shut your gates smack in my face!
I now long to be back at home to be,
At home in my Garden of Roses.
The Roses have thorns, but then life does too,
And Roses hurt only my fingers,
The thorn of life drives through my heart,
But not in my Garden of Roses.
It was a dramatic poem but then, I'm a dramatic person. In those days, my garden was a world of escape and it was a world that kept me whole. I don't know how my brothers and sisters stayed sane growing up in our home, because I had a little something none of the others had. I grew up in the world of the Bobbsey Twins, Cherry Ames, Nancy Drew, the Little House on the Prairie and the entire contents of the juvenile library in West Medway, Massachusetts. Around the time that I wrote this poem, someone remarked that I looked like I grew up in a garden and I think that I did. The world in those books was a world of great mystery- but also a world where all the parents were loving and caring- and all the kids were kind and good natured. It was a good place to grow up for someone who had to face the reality that I had to face.
The problem is that the same mechanisms that are needed to help you grow up in childhood where there is no escape, become the same things that keep you from living your dreams once you are grown. The thing is that once you are grown, you are not trapped- you are free to form your own world. I still dream about living in my garden- the trick is to make that garden your reality rather than your dream. Today I spent the whole day with Dr. Who- which is a very fun reality to be in- but not a very productive one.
When I wrote my blog this morning, I felt so liberated- I had the energy to do anything- take on anything in the world- but once I sat down and went over to Amazon, the escape thing took over. Guess the only thing to do is to write this down and start over tomorrow. Until then- live your dreams instead of dreaming them and I'll try to do the same.
The Discipline of Self-Esteem
Yesterday morning I woke up and asked myself, "What is wrong with my life- why can't I seem to do the things that I need to do to take care of myself- why can't I get anything done?" If you ever ask questions like this, you should be very still and wait for a thought to pop into your head. If that thought is a thought in the nature of God (All Loving, All Kind, All Graceful, and All-Merciful etc), then that thought is the answer to your question- that thought is God trying to reach you. The answer that I got back was: You need to start writing about the Discipline of Self-Esteem so that you can live in Mary Rose's Garden.
What is Mary Rose's Garden? Is it not on my back porch. It is a place where I live the Discipline of Self-Esteem and where my life touches others- and that when my life touches others- those lives grow. It is about helping people to grow in their hearts and souls- and helping people to bring their gifts to the world.
My Mama always told me that one day I would wake up and discover there was a world going on around me- but that's not what happened. The day that I woke up was the day that I discovered that I knew two billionaires before they made their billions. I thought that the odds of that happening in one person's life would be absolutely impossible unless there was something that I did that helped them on their way- and then I figured it out- I did!
It was then that I remembered the name of the man that I met at Malio's back in 1981- Donald Trump- and these were my words to him; '.. the only thing that people know about any building is the name on the front...'- so that if he wanted everyone to know his name, then he had to put his name on tone of those great buildings he was bragging about! He told me that the name on the building was the name of the occupant not the name of the owner- and I replied that the owner of the building has the power to choose both the occupants and the names. Before that moment of awakening- more than twenty years later- I couldn't remember his name- my mind blocked it out- but after that, I remembered discussing the name at length with my friend Mabel.
Ten years after I met Donald Trump, I was in my son's pediatrician's office. We often discussed the fact that she was the only pediatrician in town that accepted Medicaid HMO patients- her belief that it was an important thing to do even if she ended up starving- and in the beginning when Rob was born- she really thought that she would always be struggling because of that decision. Two and a half years later, we were discussing the fact that while every doctor in town thought they would get broke taking these clients, she had a Mercedes parked in front of her office. We discussed the fact that she had a huge patient load and could never get any time off- when I remarked that if she told the other doctors that taking HMO patients would put Mercedes in their driveways then maybe more of them would be willing to take some of her patient load. Her question- why would I make the HMOs rich? My answer- anything that can make an HMO rich, can make you rich. A few years later, when she told me that taking her advice made her wealthy beyond her wildest dreams- my answer was that I didn't tell her to go out and buy an HMO! Maybe that was why she sold it- for a billion dollars- we'll never know- but these two examples show the incredible power of words randomly shot off the top of your head.
The day that I woke up was the day that I discovered the power of my words. Words can inspire people to go out and do amazing things- and I believe that is my gift to the world. My gift to the world is to bring my words to people, because my words have power- in the same way that an artist's paint strokes have power/ That might sound a little egotistical but it really is not- we are all instruments- and we all have to open ourselves to being used in the way that we were created to be used. At first I thought that waking up would change my life- and it did- it gave me a lot of confidence- but soon I forgot the power of words and got lost trying to make ends meet again.
I lost the meaning of the Discipline of Self-Esteem- I was all concerned with self-care and wellness- and that is a part. But today I went back to the words given on my awakening- the words that I was given- the words with the power to change my life again. I read the words that I wrote in Mary Rose's Garden and realized that there was so much more : 'this concept is about believing in yourself, loving yourself, caring for yourself - in short developing your sense of self-esteem- which then leads to a positive self-discipline and positive care for others'. Caring for yourself without first believing in yourself and loving yourself is just selfish- but when you start with those two things- everything else falls into place.
The words in Mary Rose's Garden and in the links are powerful words and they really aren't mine- just as the words that I gave to Donald Trump and Pallavi Patel aren't mine- they just come through me. But the effects of those words- the good that those people can then do- those things are all part of Mary Rose's Garden where The Discipline of Self-Esteem grows- and the effects of those words are all things that I can and should be proud to help bring to the world.
The first words that God gave me the first day of my adult life back at church was a sermon where the minister was talking about how God has given us all that we need. Over and over again so that I could never forget those words. Originally, I thought that was to get me through the crisis that I was in at that moment- but as in all the words of God there is a tremendous economy- every time you remember them they bear fruit- with other words- I came to the belief that we as the human race have all that we need- that we all have gifts to give the world and that if everyone was living out their dream and fully delivering their gift- acting out of inspiration and love instead of worrying where their next meal was coming from- and acting out of fear and worry- then all the answers to all the worlds problems would be solved within a single generation- maybe even in a single instant.
If you want to know whether or not I am Living the Discipline of Self-Esteem, come back to this blog every morning. If I am remembering my words, and allowing God to use me to teach the world about the Discipline of Self-Esteem, then the night before I opened myself up and wrote whatever God gave me to share with the world the next day. If not, I probably sat in front of the TV playing solitaire- escaping from the consequences of escaping over and over again. Pray that I write instead. Thank you for being here!
What is Mary Rose's Garden? Is it not on my back porch. It is a place where I live the Discipline of Self-Esteem and where my life touches others- and that when my life touches others- those lives grow. It is about helping people to grow in their hearts and souls- and helping people to bring their gifts to the world.
My Mama always told me that one day I would wake up and discover there was a world going on around me- but that's not what happened. The day that I woke up was the day that I discovered that I knew two billionaires before they made their billions. I thought that the odds of that happening in one person's life would be absolutely impossible unless there was something that I did that helped them on their way- and then I figured it out- I did!
It was then that I remembered the name of the man that I met at Malio's back in 1981- Donald Trump- and these were my words to him; '.. the only thing that people know about any building is the name on the front...'- so that if he wanted everyone to know his name, then he had to put his name on tone of those great buildings he was bragging about! He told me that the name on the building was the name of the occupant not the name of the owner- and I replied that the owner of the building has the power to choose both the occupants and the names. Before that moment of awakening- more than twenty years later- I couldn't remember his name- my mind blocked it out- but after that, I remembered discussing the name at length with my friend Mabel.
Ten years after I met Donald Trump, I was in my son's pediatrician's office. We often discussed the fact that she was the only pediatrician in town that accepted Medicaid HMO patients- her belief that it was an important thing to do even if she ended up starving- and in the beginning when Rob was born- she really thought that she would always be struggling because of that decision. Two and a half years later, we were discussing the fact that while every doctor in town thought they would get broke taking these clients, she had a Mercedes parked in front of her office. We discussed the fact that she had a huge patient load and could never get any time off- when I remarked that if she told the other doctors that taking HMO patients would put Mercedes in their driveways then maybe more of them would be willing to take some of her patient load. Her question- why would I make the HMOs rich? My answer- anything that can make an HMO rich, can make you rich. A few years later, when she told me that taking her advice made her wealthy beyond her wildest dreams- my answer was that I didn't tell her to go out and buy an HMO! Maybe that was why she sold it- for a billion dollars- we'll never know- but these two examples show the incredible power of words randomly shot off the top of your head.
The day that I woke up was the day that I discovered the power of my words. Words can inspire people to go out and do amazing things- and I believe that is my gift to the world. My gift to the world is to bring my words to people, because my words have power- in the same way that an artist's paint strokes have power/ That might sound a little egotistical but it really is not- we are all instruments- and we all have to open ourselves to being used in the way that we were created to be used. At first I thought that waking up would change my life- and it did- it gave me a lot of confidence- but soon I forgot the power of words and got lost trying to make ends meet again.
I lost the meaning of the Discipline of Self-Esteem- I was all concerned with self-care and wellness- and that is a part. But today I went back to the words given on my awakening- the words that I was given- the words with the power to change my life again. I read the words that I wrote in Mary Rose's Garden and realized that there was so much more : 'this concept is about believing in yourself, loving yourself, caring for yourself - in short developing your sense of self-esteem- which then leads to a positive self-discipline and positive care for others'. Caring for yourself without first believing in yourself and loving yourself is just selfish- but when you start with those two things- everything else falls into place.
The words in Mary Rose's Garden and in the links are powerful words and they really aren't mine- just as the words that I gave to Donald Trump and Pallavi Patel aren't mine- they just come through me. But the effects of those words- the good that those people can then do- those things are all part of Mary Rose's Garden where The Discipline of Self-Esteem grows- and the effects of those words are all things that I can and should be proud to help bring to the world.
The first words that God gave me the first day of my adult life back at church was a sermon where the minister was talking about how God has given us all that we need. Over and over again so that I could never forget those words. Originally, I thought that was to get me through the crisis that I was in at that moment- but as in all the words of God there is a tremendous economy- every time you remember them they bear fruit- with other words- I came to the belief that we as the human race have all that we need- that we all have gifts to give the world and that if everyone was living out their dream and fully delivering their gift- acting out of inspiration and love instead of worrying where their next meal was coming from- and acting out of fear and worry- then all the answers to all the worlds problems would be solved within a single generation- maybe even in a single instant.
If you want to know whether or not I am Living the Discipline of Self-Esteem, come back to this blog every morning. If I am remembering my words, and allowing God to use me to teach the world about the Discipline of Self-Esteem, then the night before I opened myself up and wrote whatever God gave me to share with the world the next day. If not, I probably sat in front of the TV playing solitaire- escaping from the consequences of escaping over and over again. Pray that I write instead. Thank you for being here!
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